Friendships -a reason, a season, a lifetime
Standing the test of time
When I was young, I remember my nana getting a magazine called ‘People’s Friend’. I was surprised to discover that it’s still going! Apparently, it’s the longest-running women’s weekly magazine in the world and first graced the newsagents’ shelves 153 years ago! In this digital age it’s stood the test of time as a weekly magazine.
I recall reading a little ditty, I must’ve only been 9 or 10 years old. It was embroidered and you could buy the kit. It read “Make new friends but keep the old, the new are silver, the old are gold.” I’ve never forgotten it and took it to heart for many years.
I would desperately cling on to friendships that were one sided and I seemed to be making all the effort. I’d worry that I’d done something wrong and feel upset thinking they didn’t like me anymore. I’d question myself and wonder if I’d not been a good enough friend, wracking my brains to think if anything had been said or done to warrant this cooling off.
A season, a reason or a lifetime
That was until much later in life when I came across this piece of writing and things started to fall into place. Life felt easier as I could give myself permission to move on and let go. Some of you reading this might have seen it before, for others it will be just what you need to see today.
“People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind, but friendship is clairvoyant.” – Author Unknown
Friendship break ups
These days I find the natural ending of friendship easier because of these words. It doesn’t mean that I don’t feel sad sometimes and bereft, but I know that those relationships have drawn to their natural conclusion in order to make way for new people to come into my life.
Sometimes you go your separate ways because your values are no longer aligned, and you’ve grown apart. It doesn’t take away from the good time you had in your heyday. I also think it’s better to move on than stay in a relationship that no longer serves you. Life is too short to be miserable and second guessing all the time.
As we reach midlife, I think it’s harder to make friends and connect on a deeper level but not impossible. You’ve got to work at nurturing those relationships and we’re all busy and have already full lives.
Then there are the acquaintances who share the same interests such as yoga or choir buddies, work colleagues etc. More transient friendships, that you bond over whatever you have in common rather than become long term BFF’s (best friends forever).
And, of course, that is absolutely fine. There’s an ebb and flow as we have different needs depending on what we are experiencing in life. It’s ok.
Then there are the Frenemies, those you know are basically using you – or of course, you could be using them. It’s better to maintain a superficially ‘friendly’ relationship for whatever reason even though you really dislike or disagree with them. As long as you both know the score there’s no harm done. It’s when one person is more emotionally invested that it can be upsetting.
Some people make friends for their own agenda and will ‘love bomb’ their target. Showering them with gifts and attention, very quickly inveigling themselves into your life. There’s lots of contact, phone calls, texts etc and you can be flattered by the attention and get completely taken in by them. This intense, fast-moving friendship can be a little overwhelming, but you don’t feel like you can withdraw because they are being so nice to you.
That is, until they’re not. Once you’ve served your purpose they will move on and do exactly the same thing to someone else. Leaving you feeling a bit daft that you were taken in by them and almost ‘groomed’, believing the relationship was genuine. It wasn’t. These types are only ever in it for what they can get out of it. For those of us who are authentic and live with integrity as a number one value we find it hard to reconcile. But we must. We mustn’t let out hearts be hardened and close off to the world. In my opinion it’s still better to trust someone until you have reason not to rather than live your life not trusting anyone.
The women in my FAB Network have all found me for a season or a reason. They’ve all put their faith in me to provide a safe, nurturing, supportive business community where friendships are naturally being formed.
There’s a lovely feeling of connection within the groups, no one is alone and there is support from a like-minded tribe of professional women in the same boat. We have bonded and created a sisterhood; a place to connect and support each other. A safe space to open up, share thoughts and insecurities (business and personal) as well as wisdom and experience. No judgement, just acceptance. Such a powerful place, especially as many of this group of women were strangers until they joined.
As the end of the first year of membership is coming around for the founding members of FAB Network, naturally some members feel like they have completed their reason or season and it is time to say goodbye. Or hopefully au revoir, which I prefer and means until we meet again. I’ve never been big on goodbyes. The door will always remain open should they want to come back.
FAB Network : female authentic ballsy
I’m very fortunate to have some amazing friendships in my life. Some that span decades. Friends that have grown older with me, my ‘gold’ gang. I have lots of ‘silver’ friends too and despite being 59 this year I’m still adding to my silver circle, with any luck some will stick around and eventually become gold. Hopefully, you are the same and have mates, silver or gold, that you can share stuff and have a laugh with, being your authentic self. It’s so refreshing. The FAB Network welcomes new members, and if you’d like to attend a meeting to get a sense of what I’m talking about, get in touch and ask me about a golden ticket, your first visit is free.
Share this post: