10 Lessons That Helped Me Turn My Life Around
The turning point
Earlier this year I delivered a talk at one of my FAB Business Club meetings and at the end of it I shared some of my life lessons. These lessons have helped me get through and make sense of some of the trials and tribulations that I’ve shared previously EG the 2 car crashes in 1998 that led to and long-term depression and self-body shaming etc for the next 17 years or so.
Since 2013 I have managed to turn my life around from hitting an all-time low after these years of misery. The turning point came as I met what I believe was an earth angel. A few weeks before the two simultaneous devastating incidents that finally broke me happened, I’d met Pam.
It was no coincidence. I firmly believe it was meant to happen. She went on to help me through the toughest of times and we are still the best of friends.
One of the things we did together was complete Reiki Level 1 training. I discovered the Reiki principles, learned about the law of attraction, and developed a fascination with oracle cards.
The 5 Reiki Principles
Just for today, do not worry.
Just for today, do not anger.
Just for today, be humble.
Just for today, be honest.
Just for today, be compassionate towards yourself and others.
I changed my attitude to the shit storm I was living through and that’s how I kept myself going. Taking one baby step at a time towards a brighter future.
Some might call it a spiritual awakening of some kind. Some might call it woo woo nonsense. All I know is that it got me through the darkest of times and I’ve never looked back.
Top 10 Life Lessons
So here are my top ten life lessons:
1. What you’re not changing you’re choosing.
This might seem a bit harsh but the majority of the time you do have a choice about what you put up with. I used to feel trapped and had a negative mindset, genuinely believing I didn’t have a choice and had to put up with situations that were ultimately making me unhappy. I always think now about my options, because if I’m not changing something I don’t like then I’m choosing to stay that way.
2. When you can’t change the thing, choose your attitude.
In the event that you absolute cannot change the thing the only thing you can do is choose how your respond to it. In a victim mindset you can end up all woe is me and isn’t life unfair. Flip that around and think about how you approach the situation. You have a choice on how you respond.
3. Those with inner peace don’t intentionally hurt others.
Whenever there are people who are being nasty towards you, I believe it’s because they aren’t in a happy place themselves. People who are happy and content with their lives do not go around causing trouble and drama. They don’t put other people down or tell malicious lies. They are to be pitied. Rise above the shit.
Older and wiser
4. Appreciate that you are one of a kind, embrace your uniqueness.
We are all different. Are you showing up as yourself, the true you, and honouring who you actually are? I didn’t for a long time. I lost parts of myself for a variety of reasons. To express yourself without fear of judgement feels good. I help others do the same. You might worry about showing your personality too much in case it puts people off. If you are too much for someone, they are not your people.
5. If you don’t have clear boundaries nobody knows when they’re being crossed.
You owe it to yourself and your friends and family to have clear boundaries and to stick to them. If you are not clear then people may unintentionally cross your line without knowing, then you feel resentful towards them. When actually it’s not their fault because you didn’t provide clarity.
6. Caring less what others think of you sets you free.
When you stop worrying about what others think about you it’s quite liberating. With the shackles of worrying about what other people might think being released you feel a sense of freedom and give yourself permission to connect with your true self. You feel comfortable in your own skin and able to show up in your power. To me, being in your 50’s is not about fading away into the background, biding our time until retirement. We can be out there, loud, and proud.
Right thing, right people, right mindset
7. Integrity will never be the thing that keeps you awake at night.
If you do the right thing even if others are not happy about it you will not be lying awake, tossing, and turning with a guilty conscience. If it feels wrong and you are uncomfortable doing something, then you owe it to yourself. Trust your gut and follow your instincts.
8. Surround yourself with those who lift you up rather than drag you down.
Sometimes in your life you have to distance yourself from people. They can be close friends or family who are struggling to support your decisions because it is beyond their comfort zone. They want to keep you safe and might hold you back from what they perceive as risks. You can still love them but finds ways to mix with radiators who boost your energy rather than those who drain it. You need cheerleaders to help you win.
9. You always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself. Glinda the Good Witch says in the Wizard of Oz.
Self-belief, self-esteem, self-worth might all impact what you think you are capable of. You are stronger than you know. If you believe you can do it, you are halfway there. Sometimes you need to borrow someone else’s belief in you to get you through and realise that you always had it within you. You can achieve anything you set your mind to if you want it enough.
10. Always be a FLAMINGO amongst the flock of pigeons.
You were born to stand out I’ve always liked flamingos. They are kitsch, synonymous with mid-century design that I’ve always loved. My taste had developed a more mainstream flavour and I’d blended into a more magnolia world during the dark years. I’d dumbed down my personal taste and our home was much more conventional in its décor than I would’ve ever had at one time.
When my ex moved out, I decided I would reclaim the bedroom and pink it up. I fell in love with some pink flamingo wallpaper and just HAD to have it. I spent far more than I could afford on 3 rolls and my sister hung it for me. She recently admitted that she was very nervous about cocking it up. I absolutely LOVED it, and it gave me so much pleasure to look at.
A friend, who’s good with words, decided that it was symbolic in more ways than one as she said the words ‘Flaming Go!’. I still have the wallpaper and it still gives me a little buzz of excitement every time I look at it.
A few years ago I started to incorporate them into my branding. People now associate them with me every time they see one. I love it!🦩. I also love an acronym, so I created this one for FLAMINGO - Fabulous Ladies Always Make an Impression & Never Get Overlooked – fits in perfectly with my work as a personal style & brand liberator supporting FAB women in business to show up in all their glory so their VIBE magnetically attracts their tribe and the bottom line is boosted.
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