Why Is It So Hard To Change?
Why do you say one thing and do another?
I first met Sheryl last November, we hit it off and have become business accountability buddies, sharing the trials and tribulations of being self employed and challenging and supporting each other.
Working with her has really helped me keep on track with the stuff I used to avoid in my business. I like the fun stuff and being creative and would put off the 'boring' stuff that I know is essential. But because Sheryl's an extremely knowledgeable coach and exceptionally skilled at listening for the clues to make sense of why you say one thing and do another she's got me sussed...I've definitely moved things forward as a result of her experience.
What is also a Brucie bonus is that she's become a valued client and is learning from me too! So this week I'm sharing Sheryl's words about her journey so far and it's not all been rosy in the garden...
What do you want your clothes to say about you?
"Working with Lisa has been a joy and a stretch. I have loved listening to her wisdom and yet it can quickly become overwhelming. I soon realised that my inner critic was worried that I was making a fool of myself, that I was not learning fast enough and that I was wasting my time and money (again!!).
Thanks to the support in the Project FAB! community I was able to speak freely about my concerns and felt uplifted as we each explored our own relationship with ‘our style’.
Probably one of the most fascinating questions to be asked by Lisa was “What do you want your clothes to say about you?” And then there was the process of working out how much time you spend in super casual, casual, smart casual, smart and or formal.
I discovered I was spending most of my time in casual and yet I was investing most of my time, money and effort into the outfits I wore once a year for special occasions.
This change in and of itself has been worth the investment and I am now excited to transfer that learning to my smart and formal wardrobe.
Becoming consciously aware of my Style Statement has given me a firm foundation from which to change how I make decisions relating to clothes.
My Style Statement is ‘Fun, Thoughtful, Comfortable and Organised’. It is what I want my clothes to say about me, but it is also what I want other people to say about me.
Fun - quirky, a little bit different or unusual detail
Thoughtful - which means to me that I have taken time to think about it and it shows
Comfortable - I am comfortable in them and I look comfortable so no fidgeting or adjusting items of clothing and no itchy or tight clothing.
Organised – matching and co-ordinated
I discovered after years of retraining my brain not to talk badly about my body image I had stopped looking in the mirror. After a year on zoom calls with the pandemic I had also forgot how to dress the ‘whole’ of me.
I avoided the mirror
I had also fallen into the pattern of prioritising comfort and forgetting to check if it was fun, organised, thoughtful AND co-ordinated. Instead I would grab a bargain in Lidl, Asda or charity shops. The lack of money invested meant lack of thought. I did not take care with my spending and so I often had items that fitted the comfortable criteria, but they lacked any of the rest. Then because I avoided the mirror, I was not really aware until I saw a photo of me.
Lisa is amazing at creating an environment where it is okay for me to be me and she really empowers me to keep learning about what works for me. It is not about learning her rules and doing what I am told it is about listening to myself and really trusting myself and sticking to my own style statement.
Where the fun comes in is when I look at my outfit and know it is wrong but can’t work out why. Then Lisa can provide a professional and technical viewpoint that often makes sense of why I was not liking what I was seeing.
I felt awesome then I saw myself on the zoom screen
Just this week I got dressed up for the first time in a while in new clothes. I felt awesome in the mirror then I saw myself on the zoom screen and I hated what I saw. What had happened in between mirror and video? What had changed?
Now some of it was lighting and some of it was angle. (I was sat on my sofa at a friend’s birthday party listening to a singer.)
It was uncomfortable to feel so awesome one minute and then feel crap the next and yet having Lisa’s feedback has really helped me to make sense of what was happening. I was questioning the colour and contrast, but Lisa assured me that was right however she gave me some valuable feedback about style and shape. A few small tweaks and I now have two outfits created that work and more importantly I have learned from the ‘mistake’.
I am not sure I could have done that before I learned to manage my critic. The training I did as a professional listener means that I have to learn to hold back my opinions and suggestions and ask questions and feedback what is actually said to give the person time to listen to themselves.
I was criticising myself
It was sometime after I qualified that I realised that this was a gorgeous skill and yet I was not applying it to myself. I was listening to others with compassion and care and yet I was criticising myself. Learning to change the way I talked to about myself changed everything and it has made learning about myself and how I make decisions and how I learn so much more fun.
One thing I am grateful for is my foundation in changing the way I give, receive and invite feedback. I know how to improve the quality of the feedback I give myself so now that I am looking in the mirror at the whole of me and taking time to get dressed, I can be more objective. I can enjoy the learning process and when I get it wrong, I can have fun and laugh at myself rather than berate myself.
If you know you have wanted to work with Lisa and you have been putting it off, then I would encourage you to email her right now. You won’t regret it.
However if you are still hesitating, please do join my next 7 Day Make It Happen Motivator where I share all that I have learned in the past 30 years about motivated action. If you know you want to change something, but you keep putting it off then come and find out why that is happening what you can do to change it." MORE INFO HERE
Look good, FEEL FAB! your 50+ guide to colour & clothes confidence & not making do
I seriously urge you to take a look at the info and Sheryl's Facebook Page where you'll get a flavour of how she works and whether she might be able to help you. She's even offering pay it forward pricing structure for next week!
In other news I've got the structure of my book sorted and will be looking for beta readers very soon. Hit reply to this email if you'd be interested in being one of them. The working title is 'Look good, FEEL FAB!...your 50+ guide to colour & clothes confidence & not making do' I'm very excited about it.
Also, I'm running the second in my series of FREE masterclasses 7-8pm Fri 30th April. This one is called '5 Tips to Avoid the Nothing to Wear Feeling'. Places are limited so early registration is recommended - you can sign up here.
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