Who do you identify as?
Who are you regarding core values and boundaries?
Who are you? There are many different ways you may answer that question.
For example, I might respond as I’m Lisa, wife, mum, step-mum, sister, auntie, orphaned adult daughter and fur mama of a French bulldog. Or it might be that I respond in terms of my occupation, I’m Lisa, author, speaker, style coach and founder of the FAB Network. I could also respond with I’m Lisa, lover of pink, glitter, flamingos and leopard print. I’m a Libran, I enjoy cooking, reading, knitting and crochet. I’m resilient, creative, intuitive, supportive and compassionate with a bit of sass on the side.
How I answer the question will depend on who is asking the question, the context and the situation or environment that I’m in when being asked. Essentially ALL of those things are true and say something about me. As does the way I look. These days I am quite sure of who I am as a person, I have reclaimed my identity as it went AWOL for a while. The older I get the more self-aware I become and the more aligned I am with my core values and boundaries.
Not everyone will like you
It’s good to accept that not everyone will like you and be ok with that. There are people you don’t like and that’s ok too. When you suppressing who you really are, afraid of not being liked, you can end up not really liking yourself and feeling trapped. When you start to let go of those concerns and find the essence of you, your self-worth increases. It feels good to embrace yourself as a whole person, warts and all. It’s liberating.
In my opinion caring less about other’s opinions seems to be a rite of passage that comes with the wisdom of middle age. This doesn’t mean that you are inconsiderate of people’s feelings it’s more about honouring your own. Learning how to say no and putting your own oxygen mask on first is a life skill. Understanding how to communicate with other people who don’t have the same personality traits as you, so you don’t upset people is another. There are lots of personality profiling systems that can help you identify your preferred communication style as well as that of others. You might, of course, be doing this intuitively already.
Personality profiling (DISC)
My favourite one is the Platinum Rule by Tony Alessandra. His theory is about going one step further than the golden rule which is about treating people how you’d like to be treated, the platinum rule is about treating people how THEY’D like to be treated. A good leader will be really tuned into their team and do this really well – remember that boss you really liked?
It’s a simple framework to get your head around (similar to DiSC – another system) and can be really useful. We are all a multifaceted combination of the 4 personality styles but will probably have primary and secondary dominant ones that we dial up and down depending on the situation.
Here's a quick example of the 4 personality types:
Director – competitive, to the point, likes results
Socialiser – enthusiastic, open, chatty, likes people
Relater – relaxed, patient, tactful, likes harmony
Thinker – methodical, conscientious, precise – likes detail
I was away for the weekend with long standing friends recently. We’ve known each other since our university days in the mid 80’s and have been holding regular get togethers 3-4 times a year ever since. We know each other very well, as you’d expect after all these years and always have lots of laughs. It was interesting going through the group and identifying the styles of each of the 9 of us this type of profiling came up in conversation. (I’m more director/socialiser dominant than relator/thinker in case you’re wondering.)
You can do a quiz to learn about your type online why not get your friends/family to have a go and see if you get any insights to their preferred communication style. You can imagine how much better it is when you have an understanding of the different styles of the people you interact with in your work or home life. Much easier to avoid conflict and misunderstandings but also allows people to play to their strengths. This is when collaboration works, and synergy happens.
Collaboration - amazing things cam be achieved
When people come together with a common aim amazing things can be achieved. I have always enjoyed bringing people together and creating a supportive community environment. It works best when people feel relaxed, can be themselves and shine in their power. This is what I’m aiming for with the FAB Network community.
I want it to be a place where when you are asked the question ‘who are you?’ you feel able to answer in such a way that it does reflect your true self. Somewhere that you have permission to be whichever version of ‘you’ you need to be on any particular day. Somewhere that its ok to not be ok if required, somewhere to be a bit daft, irreverent and playful if you feel like it and somewhere to feel respected, connected and supported by other women who get it. One member recently said “I love the openness of this group. Holding each other from afar. Laughing, commiserating, crying and every other emotion. A space to be happy, vulnerable and together.” Reading this made me so happy.
FAB Network : female authentic ballsy
I am excited to be hosting the very first face to face meeting of the network next Wednesday 8th June 11am-1pm. It's going to be unbelievably awesome! Hugs and chatting in real life, plus a scrummy lunch and 2 personal development talks all in one go...
I’m going to be delivering a short workshop around the psychology of colour and how to harness its power. The second personal development talk will be delivered by the award winning, pink powerhouse Taz Thornton, You'll know if you've heard Taz speak before that we're in for a treat. Seats are limited for this face-to-face meeting so I'd recommend you book yours ASAP - if you can get to Nottingham that day, seriously, JFDI.
The talks will be recorded and uploaded to the FABcademy on the member’s website for posterity. Remember there is currently 40% discount on all membership packages until 9pm 9th June- full details here
If you are thinking about membership and have any questions please hit reply to ask them as I want to create a FAQ's page.
That’s all for now folks – I hope you have a great weekend, and this has given you a bit of food for thought if you’re trying to organise some kind of celebratory get together. Remember what Aristotle had to say… “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.”
Tagged as: Community, Love Yourself, Personal Brand
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