The Whine, The Bitch and Her Wardrobe
Self- Image Demons
Do you talk to yourself (maybe out loud or in your head) sometimes but not in a nice way? Does your inner critic say nasty things to you as you get ready for a night out? You’re trying a new top on that you really liked in the shop, it’s a bit more colourful than you’re used to or maybe it’s a different style that you’ve not tried before…you aren’t 100% sure and need a bit of reassurance that you look nice.
Then those little voices start in your head. The self -image demons can be proper nasty little buggers with viper tongues, making vile and vicious comments. They’re evil, they know too well about all the things we’re not sure about, they play on our insecurities and affect our self-confidence.
Whiney, Nasty Bitch
I recently asked in my online community, the Style Sisterhood group on Facebook, about the kind of things SID* (Self Image Demons) might say. Most of the responses would be deemed horrid and offensive if we ever actually said them to anyone else…we’d be seen as a whiney, nasty bitch on the attack.
Have a read of these few and see how you’d feel if someone spoke to you in this way…
• Look at the state of you, even if you lose weight you’ll still look disgusting.
• You are fat, ugly, unlovely and unsexy – look at your stomach.
• You’re too chunky and mumsy to look nice again, too lumpy to wear anything nice.
• Why are you bothering to make the effort, nothing looks good.
• You’re ugly without make up, why would anyone fancy you.
• You can change your clothes but you cant change your face.
• You’ll never be pretty so why are you bothering with make-up.
• You’re not good enough to look as nice as you’d like to.
• Look at the size of your arse in that.
Our Friend Fifi
So, to lighten the mood and combat the nasty little self-image demon Sid, we decided that we all need to draw on his arch nemesis Fifi the Fuck it Fairy…she lives in your head too but doesn’t get out as much as Sid. She’s on your side and has the power to shut Sid up if you let her. We’ve decided that she has a wand, red sparkly Doc Marten boots, a red tutu with sequins and a mega powerful laser death stare. Her stare is so powerful that she doesn’t even need to say a word to get Sid back in the shadows where he belongs.
Back Fat and Belly Aprons
We’ve adopted Fifi as our group mascot from now on and will be drawing on her super powers next time Sid pops up starts jabbering away in our ears about bingo wings, age spots, hands like paws, back fat, belly apron, muffin top, ploopy, flabby, thunder thighs, tree trunk legs, matchstick legs, table legs, chunky, dimply thighs, shapeless calves, cankles, pudgy knees, saddle bags, cellulite endowed thighs, varicose veins…
These are just a few of the terms my tribe used, it went on and on…it made me feel sad.
Sid Makes Me Sad
It made me feel sad because I know this is the kind of stuff we are all telling ourselves on a regular basis as we go about getting ready for work or a night out, our SIDs have loud voices and everyone knows that if you hear the story often enough then you start to believe things to be true. Your self-esteem can be affected and your confidence becomes shaky – your whole life can be impacted, relationships, your work life and so on.
My community is a lovely caring community 100% of the time but these women, who were saying horrible things to themselves, are the very same women who give masses of support to each other. They are quick to give compliments and kind, constructive advice to each other when someone posts a picture of an outfit they’ve bought for a wedding; they laugh and have a bit of fun about some of the things we all have in common as we reach midlife and the challenges it poses.
They are the kind of women you’d like to have a coffee and a chat with. They certainly wouldn’t be posting these hurtful, judgey comments to other people in the group…these comments are only about themselves as they stand in front of the stuffed wardrobe, look in bedroom or fitting room mirrors.
Do We Blame the Parents?
What happened to make us think this is an acceptable way to speak to ourselves? Do we blame our parents (because sadly sometimes they’re the ones that sow the seeds)? Our siblings? Kids at school, boyfriends, husbands, the throw away comment from a colleague? Is the media and the perception of perfection? Can we blame the magazines where even the women IN the magazines don’t look like the women in the magazines because of all the photoshopping…who do you blame?
Look Good, Feel Fab…Then go conquer the world!
How we look and how we feel are so intertwined for so many of us. I always say that I work with confidence and self esteem; I use colour and clothes as the vehicle. My workshops, online programmes and one to one work are very much about empowering women to take control and to boost self-worth; I help them to look good and feel fab so they feel ready to conquer the world. The details can all be found on my services/events tabs.
Join The Gang
If any of this resonates with you and if you’d like to be part of an amazingly supportive online community of likeminded women who sometimes stress about getting dressed please request to join my free Facebook group, tell your friends too. You’ll be made to feel very welcome.
Big thank you to Karen, Kaz and Helen for their roles on this blog xx
Let me know in the comments if you have a Fifi to shut up your Sid, share if you know someone who might need to read this.
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